Ask Amy: Siblings with mystery parent should turn to DNA search | CPT PPP Coverage

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Dear Amy: My brother and I are the byproducts of extramarital affairs our mother had between 1943 and 1953, presumably to the same man.

For decades we were led to believe that the father who raised us was our biological father.

Out of a guilty conscience, our mother eventually spilled the beans about her past. We were devastated.

Even though we’ve subscribed to two well-known genealogical databases in an attempt to track down our biological father, our efforts have been fruitless.

Both databases put forth hundreds of “possible relatives,” even though his surname has never even appeared in either one of them.

The only confirmation that we have of his actual existence was an obscure death certificate, dated 1963.

Although he was passed off as nothing more than a family friend at that time, we actually did have social contact with our biological father on rare occasions, so we do know his name.

I might mention that our mother did several stints in psychiatric hospitals after her paramour died, so the veracity of her story could be called into question.

My brother and I are 79 and 72 respectively.

We’re stuck between having closure and letting go, and would appreciate your advice.

– Constantly Wondering

Dear Constantly Wondering: My immediate reaction is that you and your brother should expand your search from genealogy databases to also include DNA databases.

If you and your brother both submitted samples, a DNA search would first of all reveal whether you and your brother are full or half-siblings. It would also likely turn up some DNA relatives along both your mother’s and biological father’s sides.

One advantage of DNA genealogy research is that it is not dependent on names, surnames, family trees, or public records.

Learning the truth about your DNA heritage might enable you and your brother to close this particular door – and I hope you will also prepare yourselves that it will likely open others.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.